Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i drank out of a bidet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
