Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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