Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
