my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
