1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
