Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
