yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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