I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize