Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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