so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
