After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
