my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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