your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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