I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize