I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
