don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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