I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
