Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
