Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
