I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
