I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
