it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
did you just send me my own nude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
