i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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