If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
