I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
