His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
