i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
