Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
