And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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