he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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