dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we should paint friendship bongs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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