You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
