we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
