I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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