I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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