I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
