Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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