i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
