Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
