Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
