Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
