Screwed.edu
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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