so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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