Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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