Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it hurts more in the daytime
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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