I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
