I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
