Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
