I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
