I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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