Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
