god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
