I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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