It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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