your room smells of hookers.
And success
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize