That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
babies were throwing up all over the place
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
