And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
