You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
