naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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