Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
