I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize