Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
