I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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