You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
