im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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