I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize