She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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