google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
