I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
