Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
