so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
