EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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