4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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