well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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