All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
