he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
